More AA Speaker Tapes/GAweb posts

Dave F from Bernardsville, NJ at South Orange, NJ 9/24/2000 (40 mins)
Ilene W from Los Angeles at Omaha, NE. Fun gal. Fun talk (46 mins)
Nels K from Mt Lake Terrace, WA at Richland, WA. (62 mins)
Mark I. from Houston, TX at Austin, TX 11/20/00 (64 min)
Sandra H. from Fitzgerald, GA at Nashville, TN 7/1/99 (60 min)
Vince Y. from S. Pasadena, CA at Port Angeles, WA 5/20/01 (63 min)

29 GAweb posts from December 12, 2000

1 Jim L jklite@hargray.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 02:05:35 Last day gambled: August 26, 1998 Hilton Head Island, SC USA Hello all, my name is Jim L, and I am a compulsive gambler, I don't know about tomorrow but today I will not gamble. I placed my last bet on August 26, 1998, on that same date I realized that no matter how intelligent I thought I was, that I could not think myself out of this disease. I also realized that there was a good possibility that I was going to prison, my wife was going to leave me, I would loose my business, and that I could no longer try to live the fantasy that I was trying to live. My immediate course of action was to try and kill myself, luckily that attempt failed, and I gave up and gave in and called GA. This was the day my life began. There have been alot of varied emotions on this journey so far. From that date until today, one day at a time I have felt the following at one time or another, Relief, joy, fear, pain, hope, nervousness, tranquillity, paranoia, shame, regrets, happiness, enthusiasm, glee, giddiness, insanity, enlightenment, anger, jealousy, envy, love, peace, serenity, pride, stupidity, humility, friendliness, compassion and strength. I think as time has been adding up since my last bet I am learning how to handle all of the above in very good ways. I am learning with the help of GA , my trusted fellows, and my HP how to handle both the good and the bad of everyday life in recovery. This journey we are on is not easy, it is not just handed to us on a silver platter, we must work hard at our recovery one day at a time for the rest of our lives. I am prepared for this journey and welcome each and every bet free day...Have fun today at whatever you do and remember to keep coming back, it works if you work it, so work it, my friends...................................... Jim L. Top

2 Maggie Mac sandj@atcon.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 03:47:18 Last day gambled: 4 days ago East Coast, Canada Good morning.. maggie here.. compulsive gambler who is working on becoming a better person... this morning I couldn't sign on to MSN which was too bad because there are people I enjoy taking to there so I thought, well, I will post instead.. It's a rainy day and I will have to go in it but that's ok.. not going far and won't have to stay out in the elements long... I have been receiving some wonderful, supportive emails lately and I thank you for them..the posts in here provide me with my daily dose of reality... the ones who are staying clean help me in letting me know the type of life that is possible and those of us who are slipping and/or who are struggling to find our way remind me that I am not alone in this journey... those of us who do slip and post about it are trusting.. . trusting that we will be encouraged and supported... that takes a lot of guts... it takes responsibility.... it takes commitment... honesty.. it shows that we are trying to work this program because if we weren't.. we would still be out there, not here, reading and posting.... and we are in the right spot because we do get the medicine that we need here... unconditional love, support, suggestions... and the freedom to bare our souls... we are so very lucky.... thank you .. thank you... thank you...wishing you all a closer walk with your Higher Power... maggie mac Top

3 BevR erichard@msn.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 04:16:50 Last day gambled: 12/23/99 RI Good Morning Everyone, I'm Bev & I'm a compulsive gambler. Happy to be here this morning & grateful to be in recovery today! Thanks to all of you I've been able to stay focused on my recovery despite the fact that my new job is really creating some additional stress. As a result I've been skipping some of the meetings that I would normally attend, but being able to come here & read all your wonderful posts helps me in so many ways. Thank you for being here for me. Last night I did manage to make it to a meeting that was the first GA meeting I attended one year ago. No..I didn't stop gambling right away, but the seeds for my recovery were planted & people from GAweb were already responding to my initial plea for help. For that I will always be very, very grateful!!! This past year has been one of so many ups & downs, fear, insecurity, worry & guilt being just a few of the negative emotions that I've learned to deal with on a daily basis. The up side is that because of my HP, GA & GAweb I have learned to live my life one day at a time...praying only for the knowledge to do what is expected of me in any given day & making the positive choice to not gamble...one day at a time! Today I try to maintain an attitude of gratitude...no matter what may be going on in my life there is always something to be grateful for & today I'm grateful for this program & all the wonderful people that have helped me learn those coping skills that are allowing me to return to a more normal way of life. Thank you all for being here for me every day! I send each of you wishes for peace & serenity in your lives for another 24hrs ~Bev Top

4 Joni B. jonimb@alltel.net

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 04:23:08 Last day gambled: 7/08/00 Pawnee City, Nebraska Good Morning ! Thank you both Jim and Maggie for your posts! That’s what I love about this site, the sincerity, honesty, openness, that we can put here. And it reflects so much where we are in Recovery. Wow, when I think of my first posts, I was sure reaching out. And the wonderful thing is you wonderful people responded! I really enjoy seeing other people grow through their Recovery, because what they share helps me keep on track, and keep trying. Everyday, My HP discuss the day, and try to improve on the day before. And believe me, the defects I’m working on are many. But you know what, I care now, about myself, before it was always pleasing others, until, I couldn’t please no more,,,the pressures were too great, and I had no answers. We are worth it, our health, sanity, and self-respect..Today, I will care about me, and work on being a good listener, having patience and being oh so tolerant of the little things, that I made such an issue of..The nice part is, I have forgiven myself, and that’s such a relief, I couldn’t face today if I hadn’t with God’s help. Family love me here, and I love them. So much to be thankful for,,just look around you. its there!!! Wishing all a Wonderful, peaceful, and fulfilling day! We all deserve that.! Go for it! Bless ya! Joni Top

5 Dal B. dalbert_b@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 04:23:58 Last day gambled: 12/03/00 Vancouver, WA (USA) Good Morning All, I don't have anything to say today, so I'll just say I hope everyone, newcomer or old-timer has a serene 24 hours. For those in areas with snow, I hope you take extra precaution if you should decide to go out and make a meeting. That's all. YFIR Dal B. Top

6 Just once! mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 04:34:41 Hello, I'm just here with a thought. How many of us Compulsive Gamblers are a result from the upbringing from our parents. I think that’s where my addiction for gambling comes from. I'm not blaming my parents, because some of us just don't have the skills to become parents in the first place. No one teaches us really, it is supposed to come naturally. Top

7 Jim L jklite@hargray.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 05:04:00 Last day gambled: August 26, 1998 Hilton Head Island, SC USA Salutation see above. Hi just once, please post your e-mail address if you have one, since you didn't I will respond here. Its my "opinion" that it doesn't matter why we started gambling or why we became compulsive, all that "THINKING" takes alot of energy. All that is important ,is that we do not gamble today....................... have a good one............ Jim L Top

8 BillM billmorman@home.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 05:46:31 Last day gambled: 6-6-2000 The Windy City, Illinois Good morning from Chicago. We got a foot of snow last night and wind chills of 40 below zero. Ain't life grand! I thought I would share a few LIES and TRUTHS about compulsive gambling. First the LIES: (1) Our disease is a Liar. Our disease wants us to destroy ourselves, to continue to gamble and ruin our lives; (2) Our disease tells us that we cannot stop gambling, that it is OK to gamble, that we love to gamble, that it is our time, our money, our lives, and that we are only hurting ourselves; (3) Our disease tells us that we do not deserve to be happy, that we will never be happy, that we are flawed as human beings and not good enough. Now the TRUTH: (1) We can stop gambling. By committing to and working the GA program we can close the door on gambling and learn how to stop for good; (2) If I am a compulsive gambler, it is NOT OK to gamble. I can never be happy if I gamble. Not only am I completely powerless over gambling, but I can never be happy and gamble. (3) I can be a compulsive gambler, not gamble, and be happy; (4) I deserve to be happy. God wants me to be happy. I can come to know and love and respect and honor who I am - a magnificent human being, made in the image of God. I am God-like, with infinite value and incredible worth. I am unique and special. I am not a body with a soul inside my body - I am a soul with a temporary body inside of my soul; (5) I can be an addict - a compulsive gambler - and experience joy, happiness and freedom on a daily basis. Instead of wasting my time and my life and my talents and my ability on stupid gambling, I can learn how to live, how to love, how to experience and live life to the fullest; (6) I can go from a shame-based and guilt-based person to a love-based person. I can learn to be in touch with, experience and enjoy all the parts of my humanness: physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, sexual needs, the need to love and be loved. I will never know and experience and enjoy who I am if I continue to gamble. No compulsive gambler really knows who they are when they first come into recovery. The awesome process of recovery allows us to get to know, enjoy, and then love who we truly are. We are so much more that we ever thought. God and the GA program call us to continually BECOME: to become more happy, more loving, more forgiving, more wondrous, more awesome, more magnificent. The disease votes against us. The program votes for us. And on a daily basis we cast the deciding vote. I hope that for today everyone casts their vote for recovery and happiness. Your friend from Chicago, BillM Top

8 Don C. vze22k77@verizon.net

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 05:48:35 Last day gambled: 7-22-00 Dalton, Mass. Good Morning ALL. Don C. here and I am a grateful, recovering, compulsive gambler, also alcoholic and drug user too. As you can see I have had many different addictions through my life thus far. I always kid around about what will be next. hahaha:) The three that I list here are not the only ones either. Some are just a little more sensitive to talk about publicly.:) I don't regret much in my life for the education I have gotten from each of my addictions. Each one has played a part in who I am today. That's all that is really important. "TODAY" What I do regret is any pain and suffering that I caused others to experience through my addictions. But you know, I would think that GOD had placed me in their lives for a reason too. He most likely gave them wisdom too, from experiences they went through dealing with me in their lives!! Pretty Deep Huh? I would like to say welcome to all new and returning people here to this wonderful site. If I can be of any help to you, please feel free to e-mail me anytime. I may not have your answers, but I will direct you to where you may get it. I have already made my own choice for today, and of course it is to remain gamble free for today. I do hope that each of you can make the same choice for yourselves. Have a great day today!!! I send you my Love, and many BIG, ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Don C. Top

9 squirt squirt1956@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 06:00:02 Last day gambled: 12/09/00 hello I’m a compulsive gambler. today i choose not to gamble.I want to thank all that sent me email.I read a few of them a couple of times to let the info sink in.I also read the postings today. got alot out of them.No words of wisdom here today from me but do want to wish you all a free and happy day Y F I R squirt Top

10 Diana nepvewc@worldnet.att.net

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 06:47:22 Last day gambled: 11-27-00 southeast Texas Hi to all: Yesterday was 78 degrees before the cold front. Today it is a wind chill of 19 degrees. For us in south Texas, that's COLD. haha Today I will not gamble. That is not an option.Today I will start answering my 20 questions in writing. Should be interesting. When I first came in GA 7 years ago, I answered 17 yes. The one question to me that was so dumb was "DID YOU EVER GAMBLE LONGER THAN PLANNED?" Duh! Yes, I do believe. I'll never forget. Went with a friend (the one who ended up in prison for theft) to play video poker. She played cards in the back. I ran out of money at 1 am. She didn't want to go home. So I sat in a chair until 6 am until she spent her husbands entire paycheck. We got home at 7 am. I had called my hubby at 5 to let him know what had happened. I got to sleep for 1 hour cuz that morning was New year's eve. The kids wanted to go get fireworks. Did I ever get in her car to go with her again? Of course I did. Comp. gambler that I was. The things we did. Some I'd rather forget. They just said the wind chill is down to 12 degrees. Got to go check on the pets. Put extra hay in the rabbits cage yesterday. Put plastic around the cage. Ducks still swimming in their storage bin. And my kitten is meowing up a storm. Take care to all, Diana Top

11 Diana nepvewc@worldnet.att.net

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 07:00:17 Almost forgot, They are predicting the s word tonight, SLEET. I want the other s word, though, SNOW. So you Yankees up north just send it on down to us southerners. haha Love to all, Diana Top

12 Jay L. jayl@azstarnet.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 07:40:13 Last day gambled: November 5, 2000 Tucson, AZ. What a difference 24 hours can make! I am Jay L. and I have not placed a wager of any kind since the above date. I am here to say that I have gambled compulsively for over 20 years, almost daily. There have been very brief periods of abstinence over those 20 years. But there was no joy or peace during those periods. Fighting it all the way along with a considerable amount of anger. I was furious because I couldn't gamble (normally). I have alot of peace and serenity NOW around not gambling. Why? What is so different this time? I wish I could tell you some truly amazing story of how the angels descended from above and.....whatever. No everyone, although I do believe in the power of God and so on and so forth, my serenity comes from the mere acceptance of the fact that I simply am powerless over gambling. I'm no spring chicken anymore (42 yrs. old) and quite frankly, I am so very tired of fighting and losing. I've am totally spent! At the moment of truly accepting my powerless over gambling in my heart and soul, only at that moment, did the peace and healing begin to replace the anger and frustration. Went to my first AA meeting yesterday and took a 24 hour chip. Ain’t life grand!! I have had many slips over the years and it was always harder for me to get back into the rooms. Again, deep down in my soul, I have no more slips left in me. I want recovery as much as life itself. Peace, love and a gamble-free day to all of you amazingly, courageous people. Jay L Top

13 Jay L. mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 07:44:02 ...I am totally spent....(sorry, didn't check for grammar as I usually do!) :) Top

14 Dan H. dhosey@mibor.net

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 08:38:17 Last day gambled: February 4, 2000 Indy Just a thought on the earlier postings about parental upbringing. Just recently was I able to tell my father, brother and sisters about my problem. After ten months of recovery I felt like I had something to be proud of to share. It has been fantastic the warmth and sharing and opening of communication that was shut off years ago. In the days that followed the conversation with my siblings has centered around our upbringing. My dad is an active gambler. I told them that all four of us were hauled off to the track on vacations and only one of us developed a gambling problem. My mom was addicted to cigarettes but none have ever smoked. My dad has always drank beer but my sisters don't touch alcohol. The list could go on and on but I have learned through GA that I was responsible for my gambling but more importantly I am responsible for my Recovery and nothing can make me gamble. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless , Dan H. Top

15 Male GA mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 08:43:35 Website: http://members.nbci.com/_XMCM/flafccg/index.htm Vicki B, Sorry to hear of your slip. The site above is called "Women Helping Women". I hope it helps you. We are all praying for you! Top

16 lisa k. lisakim00@hotmail.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 08:43:43 Last day gambled: dec. 2 2000 ottawa, ontario hello friends just here to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive and understanding, but especially honest. I’ve been trying to do it my way, and it hasn’t been working!!! thanks to everyone who responded back to me and told me to "GET TO A MEETING!" Well I’ve done just that and have been able to stay away from gambling one day at a time with the help and support of G.A. I wish I had come to G.A. earlier, but better late than never. Top

17 Rich R richr_srcp@hotmail.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 08:59:27 Last day gambled: 12/12/90 Detroit/Sarasota Good morning from sunny Florida! I phonied up my last day gambled entry for a reason. It is ONE of my abstinence dates, but not for gambling. today makes 10 years since my last DRINK! It also marks the beginning of my recovery from other substances and activities. Without coming to AA 10 years ago, I would not have come to GA (or ACoA, or NICA, or OA). So, I am very grateful that I got drunk 10 years ago last night and that I felt so lousy during the next day that I was open to going to my first meeting. I can honestly say that giving up alcohol has been the easiest of my several addictions. So I don't really NEED to go to AA meetings today, but I still go occasionally and I still read AA literature (and web site, e.g. Staying Cyber). I spend most of my recovery time going to GA and I also regularly attend Overeaters Anonymous. Anyway, that is probably more than you care to read about my recovery, but I am so grateful to the recovery process, to people like you who have helped me along the way and most of all to my Higher Power who I never really had a personal relationship with until I got involved in the 12-step programs. Oh, did I tell you that I am Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-) [aka Sarasota Kid etc.] CYA. Top

18 RCG mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 11:10:20 Last day gambled: March 13, 1999 Website: http://www.gachicago.org Hello GAweb brothers and sisters, Checking in to let you know I am doing well in the department of recovering from the compulsive gambling "illness". I am grateful for the people in GA and GAweb that became my support system to enable me to stay in recovery. Thank you all for sharing your struggles and successes here! Nowadays I have no urges or desire to gamble and I am very happy that I don't miss the actions. I've found peace to coexist with the illness being all around m e. (I would rather that I don't have to be subjected to that but that is a different story!) I have become more immune (I would like to say I am completely immune but that would be too cocky and complacent, wouldn't it?) to their temptations, ads banners on the Internet, bill board ads, radio ads, TV ads, newspaper ads, etc. I attribute my being able to be like that due to fact that I've finally come to realize that it became impossible for me to stop gambling once I started. Choosing not to place the first bet is much, much easier for me now, especially when there is no urges or desire to gamble in the first place. It hasn't always been this easy! In fact it was very hard at first! The first day was especially hard. The first week, first month and up to the first 90 days were equally hard! During those time I have to rely on others to help me white knuckling it! These include giving up my access to money, be accountable to my daily whereabouts to somebody, my sponsor. It also took three or four times returning to GA in the span of four years. (Many slips and relapses!) A number of new bottoms, emotionally and financially. I wish I was not as stubborn as I was. I wish I learned my lesson sooner. But all that is in the past. There is nothing I can do to change that. Now I only wish nobody has to go thru what I went thru. I wish the people who are now struggling as I was can believe me when I tell them that : Chasing your losses will not work! No matter how bad your situation is, gambling your way out of trouble is not your only option! In fact, continue gambling will only make things worse, not better! There are ways to solve the problems that you currently feel can be solved only with a big win (or a series of small wins.) Life is truly better without gambling. The sooner you accept your powerlessness over gambling the better off you will be. Give GA a try or another try as the case may be. In light of quite a few slips recently I'd like to repost the GA's suggestions on how to cope with the urges to gamble. I hope it helps somebody! For more GA literature check out the GA Chicago web site above. If the link doesn't work, the address is www.gachicago.org. Let's have a good day gamble-free! From under 14 inches of snow and sub zero temperature of Chicago, RCG. ******************************** Suggestions for Coping with Urges to Gamble Many compulsive gamblers, especially those in early stages of recovery, experience urges to gamble. Repetition of the gambling behavior over a relatively long period of time, combined with thoughts of gambling and associated pleasurable feelings, causes the compulsive gambler to experience cravings. Sometimes these urges to bet are so intense and overpowering that they cause the gambler to relapse. Following are some suggestions to cope with urges to gamble.

SUGGESTIONS TO PREVENT URGES FROM OCCURRING

1. Attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings as often as needed, but at least once a week.

2. Become more involved in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Take a Trusted Servant position.

3. Telephone other GA members on a regular basis.

4. Read and re-read the Gamblers Anonymous Combo Book. Many GA members have said “Everything I need to stay away from a bet is right here in this little yellow book.”

5. Ask another Gamblers Anonymous member to be your sponsor.

6. Read and LIVE the Gamblers Anonymous Steps of Recovery. At first, it is OK to have a healthy skepticism about working the Steps. However, thousands of GA members have reported that the more they become involved in the Steps of Recovery, the less likely they are to gamble. It is suggested that you ask another GA member - preferably your sponsor - to help guide you through the Steps.

7. Don’t go in or near establishments where gambling is available, including web sites on the Internet. Shop in stores or supermarkets that are gambling-free or where gambling is out of sight.

8. Don’t look at anything that will remind you of gambling - for example, the sports or stock market sections of the newspaper, lottery tickets, racing programs, or advertisements for casinos or other forms of gambling.

9. Don’t associate with people who gamble. (This may mean curtailing relationships with friends or relatives.)

10. Avoid getting caught up in conversations about gambling.

11. Carry only the bare minimum amount of money that you need for the day. If possible, have your paycheck direct-deposited or put someone you trust in charge of your finances. Destroy your credit, debit, and ATM cards – anything that will [permit you to access excessive cash.]

12. Establish an anniversary date - that is, your first Gamblers Anonymous meeting after your last bet. Many GA members gain a healthy inner confidence from knowing that they have acquired the habit of not wagering over time.

13. Change your attitude. There is a world of difference in the statements 1 have to stop gambling” and “I want to stop gambling.” Think about it. If you have to do anything, then you probably won’t want to.

14. Change your behavior. This is one of the most difficult tasks in all of human endeavors, let alone in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. However, it states in the yellow combo book that it is necessary for a compulsive gambler to bring about a character change in order to prevent a relapse. GA members have reported that character defects such as anger. impatience, laziness, self-pity, etc., have led them back to gambling. Replacing negative habits with healthy ones is vital for maintaining abstinence.

15. Consider getting your body into better physical condition. It has been said, “Bring the body and the mind will follow.” If compulsive gambling is a sickness of the mind, then it makes sense for a compulsive gambler to be in relatively good physical condition. Remember the saying: “Healthy body, healthy mind.”

SUGGESTIONS FOR WHEN YOU HAVE AN URGE TO GAMBLE

1. First acknowledge the urge. Become acutely aware of it - how you feel and what is going on in your mind. Then say to yourself. “Oh, OK. I am now having an urge to gamble. Right now I want to gamble. TOO BAD I DON’T GAMBLE ANYMORE.”

2. OK. So your urge to gamble is very strong. Again, acknowledge the urge and become aware of what is happening and say to yourself, OK, maybe I’ll gamble in 10 minutes.” Wait 10 minutes. If the urge is still there, say to yourself. “0K, maybe I’ll gamble in another 10 minutes.” Then find something else to do for 10 minutes. If the urge persists, keep putting off gambling for 10-minute stretches. Keep doing this. The urge to gamble will pass.

3. Make believe your mind is a slide projector and the thoughts that enter your brain are slides. Go to a quiet place, close your eyes and CHANGE THE SLIDE!

4. Refuse to entertain thoughts about gambling. Think about a family member, a loved one, your job, a pleasant activity - anything but gambling. You can do it if you quiet your mind and concentrate.

5. Accept the fact that you cannot gamble safely. This may seem painfully obvious, but many GA members have reported relapsing after having debated mentally with themselves on this point. Among some of the common inner arguments: “It’ll be different this time,” “I’m not that bad yet,”1’ II quit once I get even,” and “I’m due.” Acceptance is one of the key components of the GA program.

6. Say the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Repeat the prayer until the urge dissipates. A quieting of the mind will quiet the urge to gamble.

7. Work Recovery Steps Two and Three. Envision yourself giving the urge to gamble to a Higher Power. Many GA members live by the saying, “Let go and let God.”

8. Go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting regardless of the way you feel.

9. Go to a quiet place and meditate. One simple method might be to close your eyes and stare out into space, visualizing the urge as a concrete object (it doesn’t matter what it is). Concentrate on it for several minutes. As you hold the object in your mind, visualize it breaking up into tiny pieces. Your urge to gamble will disintegrate with it.

10. Telephone someone you trust. Tell him or her about your urge to gamble.

11. Leaving cash, checks, and credit cards behind, go and meet with someone.

12. Stop dwelling on the urge. Get outside of yourself. Go and help someone else.

13. Think the bet all the way through and weigh the consequences. Most of us don’t consider the possibility that if we gamble, we might lose. Consider the possibility that you will lose. Think of all the other Limes you have lost. All forms of gambling are losing propositions. You will probably lose again. Will losing this money - in addition to money already lost and problems you already have - really make you feel better? And if you were to win, what would happen to the money? What has happened to all the money from past winnings? Where is it? What is the cause of your current financial situation? Isn’t it gambling that has put you in this predicament? Can’t you see yourself betting away any winnings - PLUS MORE? Isn’t it true that with a win you might pay off a few bills, yet set aside some cash for MORE GAMBLING? Isn’t it true that any winnings would be used as ammunition to keep waging the war of gambling?

14. Write about the pros and cons of gambling in your life. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left side, list all the good things that gambling has given you. On the right side, list all the bad things that have happened to you as a result of your gambling. Be thorough and honest. (Note: You may want to rate each item from I - 10 in terms of importance, with 10 being the most important and 1 being the least. When you’re through, total up each column and compare the score.) Once the list is complete, use this tool as a reminder of the effects of gambling on your life.

15. Make a decision about how you will spend your free time instead of gambling.

16. Make a decision that you won’t gamble JUST FOR TODAY!

Again, these are all merely suggestions. Why not figure out the ones that will work best for you? FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ABOUT GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS CONSULT YOUR LOCAL TELEPHONE DIRECTORY OR WRITE: POST OFFICE BOX 17173 LOS ANGELES, CA 90017 PHONE: (213) 386-8789 FAX: (213) 386-0030 WEBSITE: www.gamblersanonyrnous.org E-MAIL: isomain@gamblersanonyrnous.org Top

19 Kathy S. Blubayou47@aol.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 12:48:08 Last day gambled: Oct.15,1996 Slidell, La. (just east of New Orleans) Hello Everyone, I am Kathy S. a very Grateful Recovering Compulsive Gambler. I want to thank each and everyone of you who share there experience, strength, and hope here. Without this wonderful fellowship I would probably not be here on this earth today. When I came to GA I did not want to be on this earth anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I learned through coming here that I have a disease and it can not be cured, but can be arrested. By the Grace of God and GA my disease is arrested TODAY. Like so many of you, I too know that I am one bet away from not wanting to be on this earth again. I have to remember that everyday of my life or I will not have a life. G A not only has given me a life TODAY, it has given me tools to become a better person in which I am forever Grateful. I did not think I was worthy of being here, I thought "What's the use?" and sometimes still I get those crazy thoughts. But Today I know what I need to do when that "Stinking Thinking" comes around,"USE THE TOOLS", call another member , my sponsor,or most efficient GET TO A MEETING. Only be this fellowship am I able to see that I am well worth being here, and by that I don't have to feel so Alone either. I enjoy my Recovery, like the Gray book says, I fill the Void, and I accept that I AM A CCOMPULSIVE GAMBLER,and I can do ANYTHING I want to do in this life, EXCEPT Gamble, which by the way, I DO NOT WANT TO GAMBLE TODAY nor do I feel the need to GAMBLE TODAY. I choose to live life on life’s terms TODAY. Thanks for letting me share. Top

20 Kathy S. mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 12:50:36 Sorry I didn't finish as I intended to ...... I haven't Gambled Yesterday, I haven't Gambled Today, and I PRAY TO GOD that I never Gamble Again. with Peace and Love in Recovery, Kathy S. Top

21 Banjo justfor@today.net.au

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 12:53:42 Last day gambled: 26th November 2000 Sydney, Australia Good Morning from hot (34 Celsius) Sydney, I'm a compulsive gambler, white knuckling it again, but thankful for all the wisdom I've read here today. Thanks to RCG for taking the time to write all that stuff out. Most of it I'm aware of, but the disease causes a lot of debilitating symptoms, short term memory loss is one I suffer from, convenient forgetfulness of the effects of gambling, convenient forgetfulness of how much damage gambling has done to me, keeping a belief that a gambling win will give me money to pay bills or buy Christmas presents. In fact, let's be honest here, the disease causes insanity. After trying for more than 30 years to walk away with a win, take my winnings and quit, and failing in this endeavor, I pronounce myself nuts. Well everyone else knows it, just be honest with yourself Banjo, accept it, and recover your sanity. I won't gamble today. Top

22 Sarasota Kid mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 14:29:47 Another news article on the Hillsborough County state attorney Harry Lee Coe.... Copyright 2000 The Tribune Co. The Tampa Tribune December 2, 2000, Saturday, FINAL EDITION Experts say Coe driven by addiction; BY: ELIZABETH BETTENDORF and GARY SPROTT, of The Tampa Tribune; TAMPA - The gambling addiction that led to the suicide of a prominent public servant is a pain familiar to others. Tom Talley can trace Harry Lee Coe’s painful spiral into a gambling nightmare. He knows how a winning day at the track can turn to obsession. He knows all about the crushing debt, the constant lying, the relentless depression. And he can still feel, although his wasn’t fatal, the soul-rattling crash at the end. Talley, of St. Petersburg’s Snell Isle, is a nationally certified gambling counselor and an adviser to the Florida Council on Compulsive Gambling. But he’s also a guy whose addiction to horse racing, sports betting, and bar poker almost cost him everything. At 59, Talley can look back and feel lucky. He gazes into a newspaper box at a front-page story about Coe, who committed suicide in July at 68, and knows it could have been him. “I never knew Coe myself,” says Talley, who somewhat resembles the former Hillsborough County state attorney with his lanky build and owlish glasses. “But I can read his pedigree and it’s like I know him.” Talley figures if family or friends had confronted Coe, he might not have killed himself. “This did not have to happen,” Talley says. “Watching this poor guy doing what he was doing, someone should have pulled him aside. They should have gotten him professional help. But I can guess no one ever confronted him because he’s dead.” Talley, a father of six, is a firm believer in intervention. His own big, Irish Catholic family confronted him in 1973 and begged him to get help for his gambling and drinking. “Six of my sisters and a brother were there,” recalls Talley, the second- eldest of nine siblings. “All of my kids had something to say. I looked at those kids in their eyes, and I thought, “What am I doing to my family?’ “My 5-year-old son, with his curly hair and big blue eyes, looked at me and said, “Daddy, what’s wrong with you?’" Getting clean was difficult. Talley had fits and starts, and after 13 years of throwing money at his habit, he had to declare bankruptcy. He also was forced to beg the mercy of mob-linked loan sharks. It took him 15 years to pay back a $ 14,000 debt at 22 percent. All totaled, he paid the bookies $ 66,000. The intervention wasn’t easy, either. Talley had been a master at hiding his secret for a long time. He has heard those closest to Coe didn’t know the extent of the addiction until the problem had gotten out of hand. “He had hidden himself,” Talley says. “He was a real loner. All gamblers are loners in the end. They’re ashamed. They have secrets that are eating them alive.” That appears true of Coe, who was tight-lipped even around longtime friends and his grown son, Harry Lee Coe IV. And there is no indication he ever sought professional help, which Talley believes is essential to recovery. Fred Farzanegan, a Tampa clinical psychologist experienced in helping people with addictions, became a tennis buddy of Coe’s after meeting him about 15 years ago through his work as a court-appointed expert in criminal cases. Farzanegan says he learned of Coe’s gambling habit and tried to discuss it with Coe “not as doctor/patient, just as friends.” But the effort was met with silence. “He did not want to talk about it,” Farzanegan recalls. “He closed the door.” From that point on, “he just did not confide in me at all,” the psychologist says. “We just played tennis and talked about everything else.” Coe eventually acknowledged his gambling problem to others. In borrowing thousands of dollars from three employees months before his suicide, Coe admitted he was in a terrible financial state because of his gambling addiction, according to a Florida Department of Law Enforcement investigation. “Everybody knew that Harry gambled. Everybody,” says Deanna Easterling, Coe’s longtime judicial assistant and personnel director. “(But) there was never a clue to the extent of his habit. “To spill his problem to anyone was not Harry,” she says. “He had inner demons that he couldn’t get help for. You can’t make a person get help. It’s just sad that it had to end that way.” Farzanegan was astounded to learn the extent of Coe’s troubles from news reports last week. The FDLE investigation revealed Coe wrote checks at two local dog tracks totaling $ 510,000 in the 15 months before his suicide. He died owing the tracks $ 47,000 in bounced checks. “He clearly was desperate,” Farzanegan says. “As it is with gamblers, they’re trying to undo their losses with the big win. He had a severe addiction. The addiction was running him.” When he died, Coe had a negative net worth of about $ 150,000; he had misrepresented his debts on financial disclosure forms; he had tried to destroy public records to conceal his gambling; and he had used campaign contributions for personal purposes. Farzanegan believes Coe was a man of basic integrity who knew he had crossed the line and couldn’t bear it once the investigation began. “This contrast is, what I believe, led him to this suicide,” the psychologist says. “At least the idea of being discovered. He would have been humiliated.” Not surprising to experts. “You become a compulsive liar,” Talley says. “You lie to bill collectors, creditors, friends. You lie to get money because money is the drug for gambling. You lie to survive.” Now, as a counselor and family interventionist with Turning Point of Tampa, Talley gets calls from relatives who have discovered the “missing checkbook or maxed-out credit cards.” Typically, compulsive gamblers work in positions of power where they have access to deeper pockets, he says. Talley was a Top insurance salesman until his gambling cost him his job. “They are super egos with an inferiority complex,” he says. In the past, it was a middle-aged man’s problem. But now, about one-third of the calls to the Florida Council on Compulsive Gambling hot line are from women 35 and older. Most play computer poker or slot machines, usually at one of the state’s three Indian reservation casinos. Addicts typically move through four phases: winning, losing, chasing and desperation. What they get so desperate for is the power of that first high, Talley says. At his first horse race, he won $ 60 on a $ 2 bet. He loved the feeling of escape he had found from his daily troubles: His mother had just died, he recalls. Miraculously, he says, his family stuck by him through every phase, even the alcoholism that worsened as he tried “to make the pain of losing all my money go away.” He just hopes his story will help someone else. To get help National Council on Problem Gambling Inc., 208 G St. NE, Washington, DC 20002; 1-800-522-4700; ncpg@erols.com Florida Council on Compulsive Gambling, PO Box 916187, Longwood, FL 32791-6187; 1-800-426-7711; www.gamblinghelp.org Gamblers Anonymous, PO Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017; (213) 386-8789, or in Florida (813) 877-0969; www.gamblersanonymous.org Gam-Anon (for family and friends of compulsive gamblers), PO Box 157, Whitestone, NY 11357; (718) 352-1671 Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; www.gam-anon.org Compulsive Gambling Center Inc., 924 E. Baltimore St., Baltimore, MD 21202; 1-800-LOST-BET; www.lostbet.com Top

23 Name Truncated! mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 14:32:51 The poster of the last news article was suppose to read "Sarasota Kid Imitator" but the Imitator got truncated! Top

24 Dave OfBeckenham gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 15:48:58 Last day gambled: August 1992 Elmers End Beckenham Kent UK. I am Dave a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE! Christmas was always a bad time for me it was ruined by the guilt I felt and remorse and the fact that I was unable to Give at Xmas. I do not mean in a material way but in a spiritual way, I always felt low self esteem and felt separated from my family because I felt I did not deserve their love or their presents. The only way to feel any thing was to escape to the Gambling, I thought that the buzz and excitement would enable me to feel about myself. But always after the gambling I felt worse than before. I had lost all faith and hope in myself. I did not know what path was open to me. GA enabled me to see myself in others to recognize what was not right and do some thing about it. I started to have a choice each. And as I shared more deeply, as I let the fear go and opened up to the truth of how I felt I started to live some what a life of openness. Not hiding in my fears any more or at least far less than before. Last year I was able to let go of the ego and let it all happen with out my manipulation. To allow my son to take the floor and help with refereeing the Games. I was able to sit back and share the moment and watch the pleasure on peoples faces and in their hearts. To be able to feel apart of it and be deserving and worthy of their love. I am a very lucky man in that I did not loose the love of my family, that every day I can with effort and actions make my family proud to be associated with my name and my heart. I shared with my wife Shirley that we needed to do what needed to be done but at the right moment and let go of the tension and stress and sit back and let go that stress and enjoy what is beautiful. It seems a long way off since that little child was damaged and lived in his fear. That bed wetting was the norm and loneliness was my best friend. I feel that little hurt child is now starting to grow up t be the person he wanted to be, but it only happens day by day getting the strength and gratitude from each step to know what I need to do today. I hope that you all get from Xmas the peace we all deserve and be able to feel we are all going towards the aim of faith and hope in our selves that every day will get better if we allow it to happen and put our faith in our actions. Love to you Dave Top

25 Jedda A mailto:

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 16:35:06 Dear fellow Compulsive Gamblers, I have been reading about that man 'Coe' and think we should all say a prayer for him and hope that he has found eternal peace. What a terrible story and we must all thank God that we have found help and if not go find it. This is the final proof of our addiction - INSANITY. Top

26 Jamie A jma_007@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 17:53:09 Last day gambled: 10/22/00 Brooklyn Park MN Hello all!! My name is Jamie and I am a compulsive gambler. This last month has been the best month of my life. I am open, honest, and WILLING to make and do the best to keep my life the best it can be!! What a difference to the last 4 yrs! I am soo happy to say that today I choose NOT to gamble...and can accept that. I soo strongly believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason..it may not seem that way at the time, or maybe not even a yr or more down the road...but I know that my higher power has a reason for everything even tho I may not think so...I am now able to start having healthy relationships..WITH healthy people! I choose to have it that way. Many people have came into my life thru the years and I can now decide whether or not they can or will be with me thru my recovery..some of them I have had to let go..and others I have decided to keep forever. I LOVE my new life...and life is a bunch of ups and downs...but now I am able to handle those ups and downs and really get thru the hard and GOOD times. I have begun to see the positive side in almost everything..and I am soooo grateful for that! I hope every one of you can finally see your higher power, because we all know that, that was the hardest to see! Best to all of you..Jamie Top

27 Vicki B. human53@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 19:38:41 Last day gambled: 12/10/00 Flint, MI Good Evening All! Vicki B. here (aka Victoria), another compulsive gambler who has chosen to not place a bet today. I went to the site "Women Helping Women", thank-you to the anonymous poster, it is a great site. I also want to thank each of you for the postings of your own experience, strength, and hope. You are an inspiration. Banjo, I relate to being insane, also! But, just for today I can "act as if I am sane"..."what we think about, we bring about". God Bless. Vicki B. Top

28 Jay L. jayl@azstarnet.com

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 20:15:07 Last day gambled: November 5, 2000 Tucson, Az. Great meeting tonight as one member had a one year birthday, another had 90 days and I officially got my 30 day key chain. Step 12 was the step discussed tonight. A buddy of mine that I used to gamble with was in the room for the first half of the meeting, but left after the break. He just seemed frustrated with something. He has only been in the program for about 3 weeks. It bothered me to see him leave and not return, but I cannot create a desire in someone else to stop using, whether it's gambling or drinking. They must find their own way into these rooms or simply perish. I have abstained from gambling for the last 5 weeks only because deep down in my very soul, I know that I'll perish if I don't. In my opinion, no other reason will keep an individual in these rooms with any sense of quality sobriety. This program is all about God and Honesty. Both are new concepts to me. Thank you God, GA Web people, and the rooms where I live for giving me 5 weeks of no gambling. Goodnight. Jay L. Top

29 Donna R. nascarboy@earthlink.net

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, 22:02:46 Last day gambled: 4/6/00 Las Vegas NV. I'm Donna, a compulsive gambler. Well, I really don't have much to say today except that it was a good day and a gamble free day. Work went pretty well. My f2f meeting was a business meeting I secretary for a Sat. night meeting. So it requires me to attend the business portion of it if any one wants to know what going on in GASN. Time to post question 3 of the 20 questions. #3 Did gambling affect your reputation? Yes. Gambling damaged my reputation but not beyond repair or reconstruction. I became everything I wasn't while I was gambling. A liar, a manipulator, a thief. I became irresponsible, unreliable, inconsiderate, unfeeling, etc. I would lie continuously to my husband to hide what I was doing. Although he probably had a pretty good idea with all the evidence I left around. Like match books a coin wrapper here and there, ATM slips which I'd try to hide. Also hidden bank statements and the list goes on. I broke the law on a few occasions: hot checks. I'd write them with no money in my account so I could play and be a "Big Winner" with hopes of putting that win in the account to cover the checks written but that never worked. I'd worry if these places that I'd written the checks to would pass the word on to the D.A. Luckily that never happened, however I took care of them maybe not in the timeliest manor but it got done. At work I had the responsibility of paying booth rent once a week. I was forever running late on that and racked up late fees on Top of that. I was lucky that I wasn't asked to leave the shop. My reliability went to the dogs. I'd tell the receptionist I'd be back at a certain time but I wouldn't return until I knew I had a client on my books. I'd return for her and after the appointment was done and at the first brake I'd get I'd turn around and piss that money away in some machine. When I think about all the crap I pulled it makes me mad. Mad at myself. I am still learning how to let that one go it looks like. Today is better. The people around me including my husband have seen a change in me for the better. I am honest. I don't manipulate. I don't steal. I am on time with my booth rent. All those late fees are done with. In fact the manager who is also a friend asked me upon my entering the program (she knew I was going) if I wanted to have those fees (200 worth) erased or reduced. I told her no- these are my consequences and I have to take care of them. When I tell the receptionist the time I'll be there or back from a brake- well, I'm johnnie on the spot now. From the looks of it a lot of things have changed in the past 8 months. And I'm happy with these changes. That's it for now. Let the love, peace and understanding of the program grow in you ONE DAY AT A TIME. TTFN YFIR Donna Top

Thank you for visiting my page at Angelfire. Please come back (16) and visit again!